Thursday, August 20, 2009

two eyes, two ears, one mouth

A friend and I made a pact to stop swearing when its not necessary. it's rude, doesn't sound nice, and has no real positive impact on conversation.

Also, I wish I were more goal-oriented. I do semi-productive things (writing/painting/school work) when the feeling persuades me, but there's nothing I do with any real sense of commitment. I mean school work I guess, out of necessity. But seeing kids who are really into say music, or theater, and spend all their time in lessons and practice and shows or whatever, have aspirations and are doing something about it. My future is a big question mark that I am currently nursing with possibilities and fuzzy/unclear dreams. I'm thinking college counseling this year will help me hone my focus a bit, but meh. I just feel like the world is so big, and there are so many things I could do/would love to do/could potentially be good at, and I don't want to end up stuck with one thing. I want to explore everything and try all my options. But that means a. probably not getting very far up the ladder in any of those places, b. having to re-evaluate and change constantly c. having the ability to make said decisons and d. the possibility of never being comfortable in one place/ good or notable at anything because I never stuck with anything long enough to take root.

Basically the thought of trying to form a life of any sort or having to make any kind of major decision terrifies me.

I've been in a strange mood today, this is a strange post.
It is also a post that just ended.

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